Season of Gift Giving

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By JAKE VON ARX
Opinion Editor

Many of my editorials this semester have been dedicated to trying to change the way you, as people, think about the way you live your lives. While I would still like to offer that same advice, this will be on a much more personal level.

With that said, let me spit some hot fire of truth at you: while I won’t go so far as to say that “relationships suck;” the process of getting into one does. It’s expensive, time consuming, and mostly just a waste of time; especially around this time of year.

What do you do when you’re courting a girl, and the topic of a gift exchange arises? Let me get this straight, I’m supposed to try and pick out a gift for you, even though “I really don’t have to?”

The whole process of trying to win a girl over is arduous. Nothing is guaranteed, no matter how many times we walk to the stone arch bridge, or late nights we spent in stairwells, playing guitar.

How am I supposed to know what “I don’t know. Something” means when you tell me what you want? Maybe that means something expensive, in which case all I hear is how “I didn’t need to get [you] anything, and I went over the [unestablished] limit.” Maybe it means something thoughtful, so you “love” it, and put it on your desk until finals roll around and it gets buried under all of your homework, never to be seen again.

This presents a problem. If I’m going to spend both my time and money on you, only to find out that whatever combination of the two I conjure up only leads to a relationship that demands a ring by spring, should you really be that surprised that I’m a bit skeptical?

Am I being pessimistic about the whole relationship thing? Possibly, but I still don’t aspire to drive my Prius to soccer practice, and you shouldn’t either.

If any of you remember my “COD” article, I mentioned my general distaste for relationships, and how they’re handled at North Central. While I may not be quite as harsh as in my younger years, the point remains: relationships at North Central Bridal College are hackneyed, unavailing, and just plain tiresome.

I really don’t mind giving gifts, especially for those I care about, but if it comes down to buying you a gift that you may or may not like, or saving for the DLC map pack for Modern Warfare 3 that just leaked, well, the choice is obvious; remember, girls are like parking spaces.