The five people you find at North Central

People have a tendency to classify others into certain groups or stereotypes, and it is no different at North Central University. The Northerner observed our student body and determined the five main types of people you find on campus.

1. Hipsters

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The North Central hipster population must be divided into two categories. First, we have the trendy “hipsters.” Individuals in this group tend to believe they have transcended a level of originality because they bought a shirt from H&M. They can be seen long-boarding around downtown and posting photos of the coffee they drink to Instagram. They try to craft themselves into no category, but by doing so place themselves in the same boat as most people at NCU.

Second, we have the real hipsters. Although they are mainly found in their natural habitat of the Whittier neighborhood, occasionally one finds his or her way onto the North Central campus. This fixed-gear riding, organic food eating, foreign-film watching progressives collectively reject the established cultural norms of the past and have developed their own customs and traditions to form an alternate society.

 2. Theology debaters

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They pop up at the most unwanted times: in the deli line, during bro-sis events and especially in your Bible classes. The theology debaters have a way of turning every conversation, no matter what the subject, into a debate on the merits of amillennialism or pre-trib dispensationalism.

Their wardrobes consist entirely of button-ups and sweaters. There are different variations of the theology debater such as the Calvinist, the cessationists and many others. You don’t need to worry about figuring out what category a theology debater falls in, however. They’ll tell you.

3. The Bill Tibbetts Fan Club

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The beloved business professor at NCU has quite the following. Members of the Bill Tibbetts fan club can be seen donning suits literally everywhere and they have quite the affinity for briefcases. The club consists of typically all business majors, but it is in no way exclusive.

These are the people who interact with everything Tibbetts post on his social media accounts. The majority of their conversations consist of the Dow Jones’ current state, their latest entrepreneurial pursuits and the eternal depravity of Apple.

 4. The Forum trolls/contrarians

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The NCU Forum was established in the Fall 2015 semester and has grown into North Central’s prime destination for debate of every variety. Whether it is politics or the best film of 2015, there is always a topic for individuals to fight over. With the emergence of this platform, a new type of NCU student was birthed: The Forum troll/contrarian.

 

North Central students are allegedly wrong about everything, and the forum contrarians are set to prove it. They jump at every opportunity to provide their unsolicited opinion on topics no one was asking to discuss. If you have ever used the term “strawman” in an online setting, than this description is probably about you.

Note: A number of these trolls have never been seen outside of the NCU Forum and no one is completely sure of where they came from.

5. The transfer student

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WARNING: Do not approach the transfer student as you typically would a freshmen. Although they may fall victim to newbie stereotypes, they have at least a full semester of college elsewhere that would prove you wrong. Transfer students swing between moments of disorientation to the NCU community and moments of dignity, riding on the coattails of their previous college involvement. It is easy to coddle these students, however, there is a chance they may have more experience and education than you.

Transfer students can be sensitive creatures; you don’t want to damage their pride by belittling them, yet it is our duty as part of the NCU community to save them from making cringe-worthy mistakes such as wearing their ID’s around their neck or missing chicken day in the Deli. We were all newbies at one point so take the time to reach out to a new person and teach them the unspoken ways of NCU.

About the author: Northerner Staff

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